How to avoid being taken hostage

I woke up to this email in my in-box this morning. I thought it was a particularly nice way to start the day. It has certainly cheered me no end.

"Due to the escalation of agency activity ... The risk of becoming caught in the wrong place at the wrong time is possible. The potential of being kidnapped or taken hostage should be considered. Staff members should be reminded of some guidelines that may be of assistance during such a crisis."

I wonder how advice such as "Be reluctant to give up your identification or clothes," is really going to help me if kidnapped by the uncivilised animals that are Talibs. I think I would have as much luck as if I had been advised to flip up my burqa, stick my fingers up my nose, and beat the hostage takers over the head with day-old naan.

Having survived being stoned* in Jalalabad by screaming blue murder at the top of my lungs, I have discovered that Afghan men are actually complete pansies (or poppies as the case may be). One minute of screaming vitriolic expletives from a Western woman, who actually had the balls to biff a rock back at them, and they were all crapping their kameez and about to cry. The stones dropped, bottom lips quivered and the god-fearing terrorists ran home to their mummies. They may be men, but without guns and subservient women, they are nothing more than smelly edjits.

* Not sure why it is called 'stoning' when in fact it should be called 'rocking'. These weren't no beach pebbles , but fist-size lumps of Muslim death.